Pages I - Nowhere, with a View

Pages - Volume I
[This is a new writing initiative. Typically I write for a purpose, but now I write just to write. Each time I post a "Pages" volume, I will literally have written the post without any planning or pre-thought. Welcome to my unfiltered brain. Rabbit trails may occur.]

2.25.17 - "Nowhere, with a View"

Two days ago I journeyed with a roommate to Hell's Canyon Wilderness, which is about 23 miles/30 minutes away from my front door. For months I have noticed the particularly jagged and unusually shaped peaks rising into the sky in the distance (they look like mountains that were just hurled as lava into the sky, and then solidified in midair instead of falling back to earth), but I have never been able to find them.

These mountains seemed to be painted onto the sky itself, rather than being a reachable location. I have spent too many hours driving down different highways and roads trying to get to these peaks, only to end up at a dead end or private property...

Until this week.

Past Lake Pleasant there is a road that drives north into the Hell's Canyon Wilderness. The average driver would turn around where the pavement ends, but this time I decided to keep going - pushing my little Kia Soul as hard as it could go onto steep dirt roads that wound unpredictably back and forth around the hills north of the lake.

The beauty of this place is in its variety. One direction there is a layered vista of mountains - each peak a bit further out of reach than the one before. In another direction is a wide open expanse of rock, shrubs, and cacti. From time to time one could see the dust kicked up from exploring locals in their 4-wheel drive vehicles. (I made sure to reassure my Kia Soul that I still loved it. Perhaps cars experience insecurity...) Directly behind us we could see the north edge of Lake Pleasant, a shimmering sheet of distant water. Considering our location in Arizona, it almost appears as a mirage - until the small metal angle of a boat is seen gliding quickly to whichever secret fishing cove the day calls for.

Breathtaking.

Yet the feeling is the same.
The view is closer, but we are still not THERE. We are not in the midst of Hell's Canyon, not at the lake, not drifting around dirt roads in a Bronco. We are still watching from a distance.

There was not time to try and find a trail, nor was there time to drive further up and in.
It kind of reminds me of the spiritual aspect of my life.

Ironically, my mind compared a place called "Hell's Canyon Wilderness" to Heaven, yet the journey and it's effect were the same.

I find myself seeking an ideal in my life of spiritual openness, of God-Centered community, of life to the fullest... yet the closer I get to it the more I realize how distant it really is. In a broken world, perfection is always out of reach.

This is why we must look up, look to heaven for our hope. I strive forward in my life, going further up and further in towards heaven... but it is all preparation for the day in which Jesus brings me all the way.

Jeremiah 29:13 says "You will seek me and find me, if you seek me with all your heart."

I find it so wonderful to have faith in a God who doesn't stay out of reach, who doesn't force me to keep searching without answers, without that VIEW... Instead, The God of the Bible is a God who gives us HIMSELF. He IS the view that we are searching for.

The longing I feel when I adventure is but a small piece of a larger truth in my soul - I was meant for so much more than just myself. I was meant to commune with God, to enjoy him, and to live epically.

What an amazing truth.

This has been Pages.

Journey to Anthem: The Faith Factor

"We are closer to God when we are asking questions than when we think we have the answers."

— Abraham Joshua Heschel

It is now less than 2 months until I move to Anthem, Arizona. I am overwhelmingly excited to be starting a new chapter in my life out west, and am eager to see how God uses Crosslife Church to bring hope and restoration to our city through Christ. 

When the discussion first began over a year ago, there were certainly many doubts in my mind regarding the whole process. Where would I live? What kind of a job would I have with the church? Would I be able to find new violin students in Anthem? 

The list goes on....

In a surprising twist though, these doubts are still in my mind. I still don't have an apartment lined up, my job situation is up in the air, I have not been approached yet about any sort of music work.

But somehow, none of these questions keep me up at night. I have NO answers, yet I have never been more certain of anything in my life as I am of the fact that God wants me to go West.

For a while I thought that this meant that my faith was growing... and of course in my pride I would pat myself on the back and marvel at how much I was maturing as a Christian.

But no no no no no. This is NOT at all what was going on in my Spirit. In fact, those moments of seemingly great faith NEVER correlated with a "God moment."

I started to notice a pattern. When I had the biggest moments of doubt, THAT was when God chose to show Himself. It was never when I felt like my faith was the strongest, but in the moments of weakness that God provided. 

This is a pattern I have noticed throughout scripture. 

In Matthew 17 we read an account where the disciples were attempting to drive out a demon from a boy, but were unsuccessful. (Jesus of course did so with no problem.)

"Then the disciples approached Jesus privately and said, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?” “Because of your little faith,” He told them. “For I assure you: If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will tell this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." - Matthew 17:19-20

Notice what Jesus NOT saying. 

He is NOT telling them that they were not trying hard enough, or that they weren't doing enough, or concentrating enough. 

He IS telling them that their faith is misplaced. Even the TINIEST amount of faith in Jesus comes with GREAT power, because Jesus has INFINITE power at his disposal. Colossians 1:15-20 describes the Jesus this way:

"He is the image of the invisible God,

the firstborn over all creation.

For everything was created by Him,

in heaven and on earth,

the visible and the invisible,

whether thrones or dominions

or rulers or authorities—

all things have been created through Him and for Him. 

He is before all things,

and by Him all things hold together. 

He is also the head of the body, the church;

He is the beginning,

the firstborn from the dead,

so that He might come to have

first place in everything.

For God was pleased to have

all His fullness dwell in Him,

and through Him to reconcile

everything to Himself

by making peace

through the blood of His cross- 

whether things on earth or things in heaven."

Do you follow the point here? When I was young I just assumed that Jesus wanted me to have more faith in Him - and so I tried to build that up, somehow, which is really hard for a man to do on his own (impossible, even). 

Imagine the relief I feel now, knowing that the amount of faith that I have is not the question, it is the Object of my faith - Christ! Even if my faith is small, He remains mighty. The same One that created all things and has redeemed all things by his death and resurrection is asking me to TRUST HIM. 

Jesus just wants me. He wants me to stop striving, stop worrying, stop trying to prove myself, stop trying to provide for myself apart from Him. 

The Object of our faith is FAR more important than the amount of faith that we possess. 

I always got frustrated how the characters on the tv program LOST would always talk about "You just have to have faith, Jack" or "I'm just going to have faith that this works" without ever mentioning what their faith was in. Having faith for the sake of itself is pointless. BUT, if we are placing our faith in a GOOD God who knows every detail of our lives and desires to be in a relationship with him, then we truly can have assurance of our faith. 

"Now faith is the reality of what is hoped for, the proof of what is not seen." 

- Hebrews 11:1

Imagine how pointless it would be to have a great amount of faith in my own ability to work things out for my own good, or how fruitless it would be to have faith that things were going to work out simply because I thought it... No matter how awesome a person I may be, I will NEVER have that kind of power. 

So, at the end of the day, my faith is growing yes, but not because I have done anything - but because the reality of what I hope for is found in Christ - and I have PROOF through his resurrection that He is who He says He is, and His power is limitless. 

That is something we can rest in.