Journey to Anthem: The Faith Factor

"We are closer to God when we are asking questions than when we think we have the answers."

— Abraham Joshua Heschel

It is now less than 2 months until I move to Anthem, Arizona. I am overwhelmingly excited to be starting a new chapter in my life out west, and am eager to see how God uses Crosslife Church to bring hope and restoration to our city through Christ. 

When the discussion first began over a year ago, there were certainly many doubts in my mind regarding the whole process. Where would I live? What kind of a job would I have with the church? Would I be able to find new violin students in Anthem? 

The list goes on....

In a surprising twist though, these doubts are still in my mind. I still don't have an apartment lined up, my job situation is up in the air, I have not been approached yet about any sort of music work.

But somehow, none of these questions keep me up at night. I have NO answers, yet I have never been more certain of anything in my life as I am of the fact that God wants me to go West.

For a while I thought that this meant that my faith was growing... and of course in my pride I would pat myself on the back and marvel at how much I was maturing as a Christian.

But no no no no no. This is NOT at all what was going on in my Spirit. In fact, those moments of seemingly great faith NEVER correlated with a "God moment."

I started to notice a pattern. When I had the biggest moments of doubt, THAT was when God chose to show Himself. It was never when I felt like my faith was the strongest, but in the moments of weakness that God provided. 

This is a pattern I have noticed throughout scripture. 

In Matthew 17 we read an account where the disciples were attempting to drive out a demon from a boy, but were unsuccessful. (Jesus of course did so with no problem.)

"Then the disciples approached Jesus privately and said, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?” “Because of your little faith,” He told them. “For I assure you: If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will tell this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." - Matthew 17:19-20

Notice what Jesus NOT saying. 

He is NOT telling them that they were not trying hard enough, or that they weren't doing enough, or concentrating enough. 

He IS telling them that their faith is misplaced. Even the TINIEST amount of faith in Jesus comes with GREAT power, because Jesus has INFINITE power at his disposal. Colossians 1:15-20 describes the Jesus this way:

"He is the image of the invisible God,

the firstborn over all creation.

For everything was created by Him,

in heaven and on earth,

the visible and the invisible,

whether thrones or dominions

or rulers or authorities—

all things have been created through Him and for Him. 

He is before all things,

and by Him all things hold together. 

He is also the head of the body, the church;

He is the beginning,

the firstborn from the dead,

so that He might come to have

first place in everything.

For God was pleased to have

all His fullness dwell in Him,

and through Him to reconcile

everything to Himself

by making peace

through the blood of His cross- 

whether things on earth or things in heaven."

Do you follow the point here? When I was young I just assumed that Jesus wanted me to have more faith in Him - and so I tried to build that up, somehow, which is really hard for a man to do on his own (impossible, even). 

Imagine the relief I feel now, knowing that the amount of faith that I have is not the question, it is the Object of my faith - Christ! Even if my faith is small, He remains mighty. The same One that created all things and has redeemed all things by his death and resurrection is asking me to TRUST HIM. 

Jesus just wants me. He wants me to stop striving, stop worrying, stop trying to prove myself, stop trying to provide for myself apart from Him. 

The Object of our faith is FAR more important than the amount of faith that we possess. 

I always got frustrated how the characters on the tv program LOST would always talk about "You just have to have faith, Jack" or "I'm just going to have faith that this works" without ever mentioning what their faith was in. Having faith for the sake of itself is pointless. BUT, if we are placing our faith in a GOOD God who knows every detail of our lives and desires to be in a relationship with him, then we truly can have assurance of our faith. 

"Now faith is the reality of what is hoped for, the proof of what is not seen." 

- Hebrews 11:1

Imagine how pointless it would be to have a great amount of faith in my own ability to work things out for my own good, or how fruitless it would be to have faith that things were going to work out simply because I thought it... No matter how awesome a person I may be, I will NEVER have that kind of power. 

So, at the end of the day, my faith is growing yes, but not because I have done anything - but because the reality of what I hope for is found in Christ - and I have PROOF through his resurrection that He is who He says He is, and His power is limitless. 

That is something we can rest in. 

The Incarnation - A Christmas Meditation

“BEHOLD, THE VIRGIN SHALL BE WITH CHILD AND SHALL BEAR A SON, AND THEY SHALL CALL HIS NAME IMMANUEL,” which translated means, “GOD WITH US.” 

- Matthew 1:23

"And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth."

- John 1:14

Of all the sacred aspects of Christmas, the incarnation of Christ remains the most fascinating and vital to me. That God Himself became flesh is a concept so ridiculous, so inconceivable, so scandalous, that it sets Christianity apart from all other religions. Rather than being a wise sage or a model example of morality, Jesus claimed to be God Himself in the flesh. 

The word "incarnation" itself means "in the flesh." Rather than having a God who kept His creation at a distance, He entered into the mess of humanity in order to redeem it. Some say this says a lot about how much God was willing to spend to restore us to Himself, but in reality it says more about his character than anything.

When Christ became human, he gave up his throne, his privilege being God, he gave up his comfort. This incarnation is the crux of our faith. How could Jesus take the punishment of sin for a people he didn't relate to? To be able to be our substitute on the cross, God would have to be man. He would have to be WITH us, in our midst, a mighty one to save. By becoming man, God demonstrated His monstrous love. Not only would He save us, but he would become us, relate to us, experience what we do so that we might have a real relationship with God through the person of Jesus.

"For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin." 

- Hebrews 4:15

This is the significance of Christ's identity as "Immanuel." As Matthew explains Isaiah 7:14, this name means "God with us" and He will save His people from their sins. The entire purpose of Jesus's earthly life is contained in this name - His deity, his relationship to us, and his purpose. Never before had mankind experienced this kind of radical intervention, this kind of scandal. Why should God almighty give up so much for created beings? Through such an act of love, we might be reunited in relationship with God, and the character and glory of Christ would be put on full display for the World to see.

"although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

- Philippians 2:6-11

Charles Spurgeon, one of history's most acclaimed preachers, taught on the incarnation of Christ on Christmas Eve of 1854:

"Oh, wondrous stoop of condescension, that our blessed Jesus should be girded with humility and stoop so low! Ah, if He stooped, why should He bend to such a lowly birth? And if He bowed, why should He submit, not simply to become the Son of poor parents, but to be born in so miserable a place?

Let us take courage here. If Jesus Christ was born in a manger in a rock, why should He not come and live in our rocky hearts? If He was born in a stable, why should not the stable of our souls be made into a house for Him? If He was born in poverty, may not the poor in spirit expect that He will be their Friend? If He thus endured degradation at the first, will He count it any dishonor to come to the very poorest and humblest of His creatures and tabernacle in the souls of His children? Oh, no!"

The incarnation of Immanuel- God With Us- offers us hope. By his humility in coming to earth, Christ showed us that he was here to save even the lowly and the weak. As Spurgeon noted, "why should not the stable of our souls be made into a house for Him?" The beauty of God With Us is that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. He died for us even in his birth in Bethlehem. Christ was crucified even when the shepherds made their way to the stable. 

There was never any plan B. Jesus' purpose in being born was always to die for the sins of the world and pay our sin debt. 

While we open our presents and spend time with friends, family, and loved ones this holiday season, let us remember the significance of the incarnation. Jesus gave us his life, both living and dying, so that we could have a relationship with God again. The sweetness of relationships with those we love are just a tiny glimpse of the pure relationship we will have with Jesus when we are with Him in heaven. Likewise, the loneliness felt by many at this time of year is a  reminder that this world is not our home.

Thank God that he didn't condemn us to the loneliness of this world, but entered into it Himself so that we would have hope beyond it! This is the joy of Christmas, the significance of the incarnation.

Christ by highest heav'n adored

Christ the everlasting Lord!

Late in time behold Him come

Offspring of a Virgin's womb

Veiled in flesh the Godhead see

Hail the incarnate Deity

Pleased as man with man to dwell

Jesus, our Emmanuel

Hark! The herald angels sing

"Glory to the newborn King!"

- Hark the Herald Angels Sing, vs. 2

By Steven Bowman,

December 24, 2014

The Power of a WORD: ex nihilo

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are endless.”- Mother Theresa

"but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing." - James 3:8-10

I have come to realize the power of the spoken word. From both a spiritual and an experiential point of view, it is apparent to me that our lives our shaped more than we know by the truths and lies spoken into them.

In a single word a man can be given the confidence to build kingdoms, and in a single word can be brought to ashes.

Any time I open my mouth I am given a choice - do I speak blessing or curse? Do I create life by my words or bring to destruction? Do I empower and embolden or discourage and disgust?

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue,

and those who love it will eat its fruits." - Proverbs 18:21

Even though we don't want to admit it, our words last far longer than we would like. The impact of our words last as long as the lives of those they affected, and then indirectly go on to influence others beyond this. Based on this, I feel a need to exercise caution in my words - both spoken and written. A facebook post can come to haunt you, just as a spoken curse can. Proverbs 10:19 says that "When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent."

Let us not forget that by the WORD the world and all that is in it was created. Is Genesis 1 not filled with the testimony that "and God said, Let there be..." By HIS own design, the Word has the power to create. It has the power to speak things into existence. It is the channel by which relationships are built.

Words are bridges to community. Words are beacons of light in the dark.

By God's very nature, the WORD reflects both the power to create and the essence of communion with another. Christ, the way to being united with God, is Himself called "The Word." John 1 bears witness that not only "in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God" (vs. 1), but that "Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth" (vs. 14).

So, what is the implication here?

If the Word of God is true in Romans 8:29 when it states that we "were predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son", then part of our purpose is to reflect the creative power and community found in The Word himself! (At this point I know your mind is starting to strain at the implications, and for that I don't apologize. This is good for you.)

When I speak as a follower of Christ, empowered by the Holy Spirit, I have the capability within me to speak hope into existence by The Word. I have the capability to be a bridge to communion with the Father. By my words, THE WORD Himself will be known - by the Word proclaimed. When I speak truth into someone's life, that spiritual seed has the capability to begin movements, to inspire leaders, to change lives, to reverse trajectories leading to death. The Word that I bear can CREATE LIFE in a dead heart. By my lips I bear the power of resurrection.

"So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ." - Romans 10:17

Why would I not speak, then? What a wondrous thing indeed to be a part of the imparting of life, the creation of a new thing.

The tongue of the wise brings healing (Prov. 12:18), it is a tree of LIFE (Prov. 15:4).

"Gracious words are like a honeycomb,

    sweetness to the soul and health to the body." - Proverbs 16:24

Until next time, Bowman.

(Part 2 coming eventually)

On Depression, Part 1: The Eye of the Storm

This post is part 1 in a series on depression. 

Since last winter, I have debated whether or not to write a post this deeply personal. On one hand, I can offer insight and encouragement to the many many people who suffer from depression, yet on the other hand I am baring my soul for all to see.

In the end, transparency wins out.

Who am I to withhold encouragement and support from those around me? At the end of the day, we are all humans - fighting the same fight, living life, dealing with trouble, navigating relationships, discerning the many voices yelling at us from within and without.

I want for people to realize that depression is a very real concern that has a very tangible spiritual connection.

Depression is often misunderstood, commonly defined incorrectly, and certainly avoided at all costs. For a person suffering from depression logic and rationale are often separate from the situation. There doesn't have to be a "trigger" or "root cause." In both circumstantial and biological depression symptoms can suddenly appear without warning, and in great severity. The feeling is almost as if your soul is being suffocated, your emotions compromised, and truth hazy because of the oppression being felt.

Depression attacks the person, regardless of who they are. It is an insidious evil that is one of the sad byproducts of a fallen world.

For a Christian growing up in the Bible belt, the mentality behind depression has generally been one of black and white naivety.
"If you are depressed, you can overcome it."
"If you address sin in your life, you will be healed."
"If you seek Jesus more, the supernatural joy of the Lord will overtake the depression."
This general mindset of medicinal legalism seeks to provide answers, yet all it does is give birth to more frustration.

For years I have struggled with varying levels of depression. Some bouts were definitely linked to health problems such as lack of sleep and a high level of stress; yet more recently my life circumstances have taken a beating, and along with them, my spirit. Depression is a very present reality for me now, constantly a struggle as I deal with ailing health and the frustrations connected. I eat healthily now, exercise, try to maintain my personal spiritual life, and yet I find myself time and time again scraping the bottom... barely able to function. It's not anyone else's fault, nor is it my own. It is one of the many symptoms of living in a fallen world.

It is so easy to ask myself what I am doing wrong, as if my depression were a punishment from the gods. Yet, I have come to realize several truths about depression.

1. I am not alone in my struggle with depression. One of the core problems with depression is the deep sense of isolation and loneliness one gets. This leads to terrible bouts and overwhelming feelings of abandonment when left in isolation. The feeling at times can be that "I am the only one who is suffering from this", yet this is far from the truth. There are MANY people around us who are struggling too. We are NOT alone in our struggle, nor are we abandoned. I have been blessed by an amazing best friend who understands the pain of depression, and a church body that makes it a point to check up on me and keep me from having to be alone when the depression is intense. Friendship is one of the most effective things against depression, and I believe it functions as a physical manifestation of Galatians 6:2 - "Bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ." Just having a brother or sister walk through the shadows with you can bring so much comfort.

"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light." - Helen Keller

2. My depression does not reflect on my identity as a person. While it is so easy to fall into the lie that I am a worthless scumbag, depression can afflict those whom God uses mightily. In fact, He uses those whom hurt the most to accomplish some of the most significant works... 1 Corinthians 1 tells us that "God chose the humble things to shame the wise." Just because I struggle does not mean that I am worthless, or incapable of making an impact. My worth is established by the fact that God gave his only Son for me... no matter what struggles or difficulties I may face. In fact, I have recently pondered the idea that perhaps I am able to make MORE of an impact because of my difficulty. The common struggles in life create bonds with those who encounter the same issues, and are often God-given opportunities so that He may pour His love and grace into someone else's life through me. This leads me to point three...

3. God can still use my depression to bring about good. This truth is perhaps one of the hardest to understand. Throughout my personal experience I have found most of my frustration to lie in the fact that I was being hindered from ministering to others. My goal was to simply push through the depression so that I could get to the other side and get back to work. God has impressed on my heart, however, the fact that by embracing the struggle in this particular season of life, He can work through it to reach others in similar valleys. Sure enough, in the past year people have come to me from different corners of my life, reaching out for support and understanding. There is something about the common bond of hardship that brings people together in a supernatural way. Sometimes we just need to see how God is working despite our circumstances - especially when the circumstances are trials.

Romans 8:28 says that "All things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose." 
Through a Tim Keller sermon I heard recently, I realized that when Romans says "all things", that this includes depression.

Depression can be used by God for my good? What kind of ridiculous news is this?

At the end of the day, God in all of his foreknowledge has allowed our difficulties because they mold us and shape us into the kind of person that can make an impact on our world.
By our difficulties, God is working in those around us.
By our trials, God is making us more like Jesus.
By my depression, I am growing closer to God.

This IS encouraging.
I hope that you can be encouraged by this truth too.

Part 2 coming soon.

[now what]

(originally written as a journal entry 8/16/14)

I have spent a good amount of time thinking, writing, and meditating on the ideas of Christian community, bearing burdens, perseverance, and the constants in our lives. I have memorized James chapter 1 with my best friend and participated in numerous discussions about its implications in daily life.

I still come to the end of all this and ask myself "now what?"

To be honest, its a bit frustrating.

I spent a good amount of time last night dwelling on this, trying to figure out exactly what the point was. Why do I write? Why do I spend time with people? Why do I read the Bible? Why do I even meditate on these things?

After a good amount of 'fretting and stewing' I realized that the answer lied in one of the verses that I had memorized in James.... "If anyone is a hearer of the Word, but not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror. For once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But the one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does" (vs. 23-25).

This is perhaps the problem that plagues much of Christendom today. We place so much emphasis on the mindless action, and none on the heart of the matter. Scripture is memorized by rote, church attendance becomes mundane, Christian fellowship is reduced to trite phrases, burdens are shoved underneath facades of robust faith.
Yet we miss the heart of the issue....

What does it matter if I memorize James if I fail to let it take hold in my life and I actually seek to apply it? How can I be transformed by the renewing of my mind if I don't allow my mind to be renewed?

I feel that many Christians are good at looking intently at the perfect law, and even understanding the importance of it, yet they fail in the phrase "abiding by it."

Abiding by it.

We abide in an abode. We make our dwelling there. We live there.
The implication is that our lives return to this place by default. The perfect law of liberty - the Word - becomes living and active.

I find that this is more for the benefit of others than it is our own selves. While it certainly puffs ourselves up to memorize scripture and be "good Christians", when we apply the Word we hear then suddenly all of those around us are affected. The paradigm shifts and the Gospel is realized in our lives.

We glorify Jesus in this, we edify those around, we grow ourselves to be more like Jesus, and the Gospel is actually VISIBLE. This is what it truly means to be an "effectual doer."

Can you imagine what would happen if we started asking "now what?" once we read scripture? What then do we do? How do we apply?

Application is where faith becomes real.
Until we obey our faith is merely theory.

What does it look like to be an effectual doer - to abide by the Word?
What blessings are we missing out on because we fail to take God's Word as truth?

May we not forget that "this man will be blessed in what he does."

Now what?

The Constant

While our town becomes a city 
We won't let it be erased.
Empires rise, empires fall
Will you be my constant through it all?
- Jason Mraz, Quiet


In a constantly shifting world we fear change.

It uproots us from what we know, forces us to face the future, and removes our sense of grounding.

In cases of life disasters many people are emotionally devastated simply because they have lost their footing in life, having nothing to grasp amidst the chaos.

As humans, we must have a constant, an unchanging element to which we can grab hold, else we will not be able to withstand the certain battering and loss of footing experienced throughout life.

What are these constants though? 

In a scientific sense the constant can simply be a symbol, yet in the shared experience of life surely there are defined constants....

Most of us grab onto "little c" constants such as family, friends, our church. I'm sure we have all sought the company of a close friend after a rough day, or have called a parent or family member to vent.... These people, these constants, offer us some sort of safety - we know that we can count on them even when life is giving us lemons. 

What do you do though when your constant leaves you? Few things are as jarring as being abandoned by a person you thought you could rely on, or being cut off from those you love. We were not meant to live life alone, so when we find ourselves on shaky ground, a companion offers a sense of stability... Even if only temporarily.

The show LOST captured the desperation and beauty in the concept of "the constant" through the character Desmond. For him, his very life depended on having contact with the woman he loved, Penny. I've always been struck by the divine nature of their relationship, the way that she literally saved his life. To a degree this is analogous to the depth and importance of the constants we experience in our own lives.

I could write for hours about the "little c" constants , yet I find myself more and more dwelling on the "big C" Constant in our lives. This Constant is the difference between life and death, between hope and despair, between relationship and isolation. While constants in our lives are great and truly important, they are finite - unable in themselves to be a solid grounding. The "little c" constants get their purpose and power from the "big C" Constant only. 

So what is this Constant?

I refer to the person of Jesus.

Jesus Himself.

Not a picture of him created by the American church for the sole purpose of perpetuating guilt... But the God-man Himself. 

I have been struck by the image of power ascribed to Christ as written in Colossians 1:15-17. "He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities - all things have been created through Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together."

In Him all things hold together.

This statement carries with it confidence and power. There is a certainty in the person of Jesus that guarantees us that no matter what kind of circumstance is encountered, Christ himself has absolute control over them. With variables shifting wildly, the Constant remains untouched, unchanged, unmoved.

These attributes of the God-man are what give us our assurance of salvation.
We are secure because of who Jesus is. We are secure because of the unchanging nature of His LOVE.

Love is the spiritual bond more powerful than anything else on earth. A God-originated love cannot be destroyed and provides us with a heavenly identity and purpose. Romans 8 ends with the reminder that "I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord" (vs. 38-39).

Christ is our Constant because He is LOVE.

As a natural response, our "little c" constants are such because there is a reflection of this divine love within them. These constants are built on relationships, and the strongest ones are those which are most selfless and most Christlike.

The more you are surrounded with Christ's love, and little images of that love through the constants in our lives, the more we are able to endure despite the tumult. Surprise, surprise! Of course this would tie back into the idea of bearing one another's burdens.

Let's face it, we all need constants in our lives - but not because they in themselves are powerful. Rather, these constants reflect the image of the Constant and unchanging One. These constants provide us with stability through their love, because it is of a divine origin. The love experienced through our constants is unbreakable, unshakable, if it from God. 

Hold Your Ground

“Hold your ground, hold your ground! Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of woes and scattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you STAND, Men of the West!”

- Aragorn, The Return of the King

                                              

“But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls.” – Hebrews  10:39

There is something daunting about a fight. Something within us shudders when things go wrong in our lives. Our very souls testify to the fact that we were not created to be at war, yet fight a war we must. Ever since the fall in Eden, man has had to fight. We fight to survive. We fight to maintain honor. We fight to keep the enemy at bay.

We must “Hold our ground.”

Perhaps the most frustrating fights we will face though, is the war with our own selves. There is no enemy capable of breaking us down as quickly and powerfully as our own mind. Our minds are a battlefield, our thoughts the mines – ready to detonate at the slightest jostling. Perhaps this is why Paul refers to “taking every thought captive to obey Christ” in 2 Corinthians 10:5. We can never trust our own thoughts blindly.

War is ugly.

I think that in the Christian life we often forget this. There is a battle going on WITHIN us as the enemy seeks to CONTROL us. Ephesians 6:12 points out that “we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” Yes, there is evil in the world. Yes, we will have conflict with others. But the most dangerous enemy is the one that we allow into our homes.

I have come to the realization that I am my own worst enemy when it comes to fighting depression. Yet, at the same time, I have hope. I have the Holy Spirit. This is how I can have the confidence that 1 John 4:4 conveys –“Little children, you are from GOD and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.”

The truth is that while the enemy is close, our ally is a little bit closer! This is why Paul told the church at Ephesus to “Be STRONG in the Lord and in the strength of his might.”

There is an element of standing firm, of fighting, that we seldom address in modern Christianity’s search for unity and “love”. If we are to expect chains to be broken, strongholds to be purged from our lives, then there has to be a moment where we take hold of the truth of Scripture and fight back! Scripture is clear – if we resist the devil then he will flee! If we continue in our faith, God will be faithful! Whatever the fight, HE has overcome and gives us the ability to be victorious by the blood of Christ.

HOLD YOUR GROUND.

I want to be the kind of person that Hebrews 10:39 describes. “But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls.” So often the temptation will be to shrink back when the going gets tough. I myself find that when the enemy brings up my insecurities, the initial response is to want to retreat into my shell. When conflict appears on the horizon, the core of my being that hates pain pushes me away.  Yet there has never been a battle won because someone decided to retreat. If anything, battles are lost this way. Hebrews confirms the spiritual parallel – those who shrink back will be destroyed.

God increase my faith! This is the only prayer I can think to pray. No I do not like conflict, no I do not like pain; yet if I rise up in the power of God, I will be victorious.

Mid 20^th century Jewish philosopher Abraham Joshua Heschel describes this as taking a leap of action rather than a leap of thought. “He is asked to surpass his needs, to do more than he understands in order to understand more than he does.” Heschel believed that through the ecstasy of deeds (or holding our ground) we learn to be certain of what he called “the here-ness of God.” Simply put, our faith is only going to grow when we put weight on it.

At times there must be a fight before we can experience victory. At times there must be pain before we can experience love. 2 Peter 4:12 reminds us to “not be surprised at the fiery trial, when it comes upon you to test you.” It is to be EXPECTED in this life.

BUT, God in his foreknowledge and wisdom has allowed it – because He knows that it will work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

Yes my mind is a battlefield, but thank God that He gives me the ability to overcome. Thank God that He fights my battles by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Cracked Vessels

“but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, so that no man may boast before God.” 

-1 Corinthians 1:27-29

“In a very real sense not one of us is qualified, but it seems that God continually chooses the most unqualified to do his work, to bear his glory. If we are qualified, we tend to think that we have done the job ourselves. If we are forced to accept our evident lack of qualification, then there's no danger that we will confuse God's work with our own, or God's glory with our own."

 - Madeline L’Engle

“It is not the strength of the body that counts, but the strength of the spirit.”

- J.R.R. Tolkien

            I must be honest as I write this time. I do not think that I am effective as a Christian, as a friend, as a teacher, as a human. Bound by my own weakness, I find myself seduced by the lie that if I don’t have my own life together then I will be unable to make an impact on the lives of others. In this mindset the self is bearer of all power to change a life, and is not only responsible for himself, but for those around him. I can buy into this when I have my life in order, but what about when my life is in shambles?

It is an unfortunate message that so many people, including myself, are buying into – that you merely learn from your struggles, you grow from them, so that once you have passed through them you can be stronger.

If I am to believe what 1 Corinthians says though, the strength and power occurs during the struggle. In the very literal sense, “His power is made perfect in weakness.”

My brokenness is a tool. I finally see it. I am not supposed to endure my struggle but embrace it! Sue Monk Kidd has ministered to me greatly through her book “When the Heart Waits.” Through her testimony of trials and periods of waiting, she learned that “God is found not in the erasing of an experience, but in the embracing of it.” Latching onto the metaphor of a butterfly going through metamorphoses, Kidd understands that the pain in life is how God shows himself in the most grandiose of ways.

“We seem to have focused so much on exuberant beginnings and victorious endings that we’ve forgotten about the slow, somewhat tortuous, unraveling of God’s grace that takes place in the “middle places.””

Indeed, I have forgotten about the unraveling of God’s grace. Yet it is everywhere around me. 
God’s grace is inside me, carrying me through the valleys.

God’s grace is around me, in His church, ministering to my needs.

God’s grace is beside me, in companionship of close friends.

God’s grace is in my mouth, encouraging fellow struggling Christians through my own supernatural endurance.

God’s grace is above me, anointing my life as worthy to suffer for the sake of the Gospel.

(I believe that yes, suffering for the Gospel can also be in a local, personal suffering context)

God’s grace is beneath me. His promises and his Word sustain me.

Beautifully indeed, I find that I am MORE of an encouragement in my silent suffering than in my strength (and this is NOT by my own power).

In my silence, God is deafening. Perhaps my own voice was drowning him out. Who knows what all He intended to say through my life that I was too proud to allow him to say.

The question used to be "Why". Why does God allow me to go through such valleys?

The question now is "How". How does He do it? How does God manage to use such seemingly bleak situations to have such a far-reaching impact? Even though I find much difficulty in ministering, I find that it is genuine now.

I relate in a pure sense, I sympathize realistically, and I connect spiritually.

I read a Rumi quote that says “Suffering is a gift. In it is hidden mercy.”

I see Jesus in every situation now. I must rely on Him, else I would collapse.

Somehow or another I keep going.

I keep living.

I keep breathing.

I keep celebrating beauty.

I keep loving Jesus.

I see Him everywhere.

He is literally all around me.

Grace is like a lens by which we can see the image of our risen Lord.

I find myself broken frequently. Yet, if scripture is true, this brokenness allows Jesus to be seen more clearly. So perhaps what I though was weakness is actually a hidden strength?

My depression, my mental fatigue, my physical pain – what if they were all conduits for God to show his grace in an even more tangible way? Not to me but through me?

Maybe that’s why God allows such weakness to exist, so that he can love more perfectly. Love without sacrifice is merely lip-service. Love is only experience through a PERSON, and if I am going to be a person who claims Christ then doggone it, let me be a person who demonstrates LOVE.

I love the idea that people are not living life, but ARE life…. This is true if you stop and think about it. So in this mindset then I need to ask, as Abraham Heschel so brilliantly put it –

“How should I live the life that I am?”

Will I waste years of my life trying to merely endure pain? Yes, I will grow from it, but once I have reached the other side (or IF I have reached the other side) then I still have lost those years of endurance.

OR, will I embrace my cross, choosing to LIVE through and with pain. I may live through pain the way Christ was present mentally every second of his passion. I may live through pain knowing that it connects me on a deeper spiritual level to every other suffering person in existence. I may live through pain knowing that it enables my life to be a pure conduit by which God can work.

When I choose to LIVE through pain, then LOVE wins.