I will be the first to admit that prayer is difficult for me. As much as I long to talk to and have fellowship with Yahweh God, I find my words gloriously inadequate for communicating the deepest longings and desires of my heart.
Despite this, I try anyway. Perhaps I am reminded somewhere in my subconscious of Romans 8:26, in which we are told that the Holy Spirit "intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words" when we don't know how to pray.
And I must confess- more often than not these days, I don't know how to pray.
I find prayer at times to be a reminder to my soul of who I am and who God is. Something about that contrast leaves me in awe and more comfortable with submitting my requests before God's throne. The more that I realize I truly am not in control, the less I actually attempt to take control.
Prayer is not so much a plea for help as it is a return home. The prodigal running into the extended arms of the Father. Prayer truly is less about receiving what we ask for, and more about who we are asking. Prayer draws us closer to God as conversation draws a couple together. Prayer knits our hearts with God, surrounding us with his supernatural embrace when we can't speak.
Prayer is how we experience God as Abba Father.
We, the wounded youth, run to him for safety, for comfort, for love. Does he heal our wounds? Sometimes yes, but more often he doesn't.
Yet this can be a blessing.
Is it not a good place, to be broken in the arms of God?
The absurdity is apparent even as I write. Yet what other conclusion is there?
Either God is loving and it is good for me that I was afflicted that I might draw closer to him,
Or God is calloused and I truly am alone.
Yet his arms remain open.
I cannot see them physically, but I can see them spiritually through His promises, through fellowship and companions with other believers.
Prayer acknowledges that I believe this to be true.
Prayer acknowledges the pain.
Prayer acknowledges the hope.
Prayer acknowledges the presence.
Prayer does not allow us an escape from our problems, it merely brings us back to our spiritual home and our heavenly Father.