Top 10 Films of 2015

It has become something of a tradition for me to release an annual year-end recap to my favorite films. As my cinematic eye and knowledge grow, I sense my taste in films being refined. A few flicks will inevitably show up that are blockbuster hits, but each one of my selections are artistic expressions, and were somehow able to delight and move me. Each of the following films listed did exactly that for me in 2015. I believe these films to be the highest examples of art in their respective fields. Artistically these films are stellar, and emotionally they grabbed me at the core. They appeal to nostalgia in some cases, but stand on their own as fantastic films.

After reading my list I would love to hear your thoughts! What films delighted and moved you this year?

10. Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation/ Kingsman: The Secret Service
Tied for 10th place are two remarkable action flicks. While both are spy movies, they could not be more different.

MI5 is the best film in the Tom Cruise anchored franchise. Directed by his Jack Reacher collaborator Christopher McQuarrie, MI5 is sleek and stylish, accomplishing what Spectre failed to do for the 007 franchise. Mission Impossible has always seemed larger than life, but McQuarrie brings a real-world grittiness to the franchise. While Cruise is still impressive with his over-the-top stunt acting, it was Rebecca Ferguson who stole the show. Her leading lady stunts and acting were enough to get her an invite to return for the next installment of the Mission Impossible franchise.

Kingman: The Secret Service was one of the year's best surprises. Directed by British director Guy Ritchie, Kingsman does not hold back on the blood and gore. Starring some of Britain's finest actors, as well as a fantastic breakout performance from Taron Egerton, Kingsman is edgy, shocking, and refreshing in a market packed with cliche, unremarkable action movies. The camera seemingly revels in the carnage, and at times Ritchie allows the scenes to play out in changing frame rates and camera angles a'la 300. Although I loved it, this film is NOT for children.


9. While We're Young
Noah Baumbach is perhaps the one filmmaker who has his finger on the pulse of the millennial generation. Ben Stiller and Naomi Watts are brilliant as an aging couple struggling with their identity in a rapidly changing world, but it's Adam Driver and Amanda Seyfried who had the biggest impact on me as a young hipster couple. Comically serious about their anti-technological views, this young couple challenges not only Stiller and Watts, but the viewer, to evaluate the roles that communication and relationships play in their lives in a predominately digital world.


8. The Martian
The ad campaign for director Ridley Scott's NASA rescue film was surprisingly deceptive. What was presented as a Matt Damon anchored drama ended up being a smart, witty film full of strong performances from the supporting cast, featuring Chiwetel Ejiofor, Jeff Daniels, Jessica Chastain, Kate Mara, and Donald Glover, just to name a few. I responded even more strongly to the optimistic nature of the film, adapted from Andy Weir's book by Drew Goddard. The dialogue was hopeful, lighthearted, and was devoid of cynicism - which is a rare treat for filmgoers these days. After a handful of misfires, it is good to see an iconic filmmaker like Scott back in business.


7. Bridge of Spies
Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks are always a winning combination in cinema. At this point Spielberg's filmmaking is fluid and understated. Even a lesser Spielberg flick is still better than 95% of what is showing at your local cinema. In this case, Spielberg has crafted another historical masterpiece. Bridge of Spies features fantastic dialogue, wonderfully set up shots, and beautiful period production design. Hanks is brilliant as always, but Mark Rylance is the surprise in this film, an acting revelation as the Russian spy captured by U.S. authorities. Not only one of the best films of the year, this is one of Spielberg's best films, period.


6. Ex Machina
Alex Garland is a relatively unknown filmmaker, but he is a writer and director to watch. Ex Machina doesn't ask new questions about humanity, but manages to repackage them into a sleek, sexy, modern film. Before they shared the screen in Star Wars, Oscar Isaac and Domhnall Gleeson appeared in this quiet, unsettling film about what makes us human. Alicia Vikander is the real standout though, playing an advanced robot seeking humanity. The audience begins to feel for her, along with Gleeson's character, making us suddenly realize that perhaps WE are the test subjects. (Note, there is a fair amount of nudity in the film, so viewer discretion is advised).


5. Sicario
Dennis Villaneuve has established himself as a modern film auteur. Similarly to his previous films, "Prisoners" and "Enemy," Villaneuve manages to create tense, taut scenes without resorting to cheap gimmicks. Roger Deakins provides breathtaking cinemtography, with a dusk raid sequence that just might land him an Oscar nomination. Emily Blunt and Benicio Del Toro deliver awards-worthy performances themselves in this tale of corruption on the U.S./Mexico border.


4. Brooklyn
Brooklyn is probably the smallest and quietist film on my list, yet it is one of the best dramas I have seen in years. Saoirse Ronan is beautiful and wonderful as an Irish immigrant who makes her way to Brooklyn, NY in the mid- 20th century. The story is nothing new, but executed so beautifully and so wonderfully, that it makes Brooklyn a must-see film. The period clothing and sets are immaculate, and the score is hauntingly beautiful. You find yourself aching and laughing with real emotion, which is in part due to Nick Hornby's screenplay, and partially due to the tasteful and tender direction of John Crowley.


3. Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens
If I only factored in sheer enjoyment and nostalgia, this film might have ended up as my top pick of the year. With a hype level greater than any film in history, the newly reformed and Kathleen Kennedy led Lucasfilm had to deliver a film that appealed to both the generation that grew up with George Lucas' original trilogy, as well as a new generation of kids that knew nothing of the adventures of Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia.  And boy, did they deliver! Bringing in self-avowed Star Wars fan J.J. Abrams to co-write and direct The Force Awakens was perhaps the best decision Disney could have possibly made. Abrams manages to find a balance between nostalgia and discovery, allowing our old fan favorites to mentor new characters that will carry the franchise into the next decade. The film feels real, magical, and creates a sense of wonder in me that no movie has been able to do in years. You care for Rey (Daisy Ridley's incredible acting debut), Finn (John Boyega from Attack the Block), and Poe (my favorite actor, Oscar Isaac), and find yourself physically affected by the joy and pain they feel in the heart-wrenching script from Lawrence Kasdan. While it is not a PERFECT film, The Force Awakens hits all of the main points that a Star Wars film needs to, and is a very welcome return to a galaxy far, far away.


2. Inside Out
Pixar has long set the standard for animated features, but with a series of subpar entries in their film canon, many wondered if perhaps they had lost their magic. With Inside Out, however, Pixar was able to return to the height of storytelling that we've come to love and cherish. Few animated films have moved me in such profound ways as the Toy Story trilogy, UP, Ratatouille, Wall-E, Finding Nemo, and now Inside Out. Director Pete Doctor navigates a very difficult world of emotions, introducing complex concepts in understandable and relatable ways. This is one of the rare films that will appeal to children and adults alike. You will find yourself deeply moved, and able to understand others just a little bit better.


1. Mad Max: Fury Road
If you are reading this and you have not yet seen Mad Max: Fury Road, stop what you are doing and go watch it right now. Fury Road set a new standard for what action movie can and should be. The cinematography is gorgeous, capturing the post-apocalyptic wasteland and warfare in creative and absolutely impressive ways. The shots in this film are perfectly executed, and must have been unbelievably difficult to capture. In addition to intense and thrilling chases and action sequences, Tom Hardy as Max and Charlize Theron as Imperator Furiosa are wonderful, proving that you don't have to have much dialogue to make a strong impression. Mad Max was a welcome return for the original franchise director George Miller, and I cannot wait to see what he has for us next.

Top 10 Films of 2014

Once again, here are my top ten films of the year. Please note that not all of these are appropriate for viewers of all ages. I found these films to be exceptional examples of artistry, or films that impacted me deeply on some level. It was refreshing to see so many original ideas in cinemas in 2014, and the year yielded one of my all time favorite films, this list's number 1 movie!

Honorable Mention:

While they didn't make my top ten, these films were solid enough entries that they are worth mentioning! 

- Captain America: The Winter Soldier 

- Fury

- Begin Again

- Edge of Tomorrow

10. Gone Girl - directed by David Fincher

- Fincher's adaptation of the novel by Gillian Flynn is cold, calculated, and cerebral. With a chilling performance by Rosamund Pike and Ben Affleck in one of his most solid roles to date, Gone Girl gets under the skin and stays there, infecting your mind like a parasite. Tonally similar to Se7en as opposed to more comfortable fare such as The Social Network, Fincher stays surprisingly true to the source material, even to a shocking end. (This is also due to the fact that Flynn also wrote the screenplay). I would be surprised if this DIDN'T receive some Oscar nominations. 

9. The Lego Movie - directed by Phil Lord and Chris Miller

- The Lego Movie was a complete surprise this year. Both witty and charming, Lord and Miller were able to craft a film that appealed to young and old alike. The voice cast was impressive and worked perfectly with their characters. (Will Arnett's Batman - case and point). I was surprised at how self aware this movie was, and it embraced the building aspect of the Lego product creatively. Each time you view The Lego Movie you catch something else hidden in the script or background, so it easily supports the repeated viewings that most kids will require.

8. Snowpiercer - directed by Joon-ho Bong

- The first English-speaking film from Korean director Joon-ho Bong was a surprise masterpiece of the year. While technically made for 2013 release, Snowpiercer was delayed because of a constant tug of war between the director and the producers. This dystopian futuristic story plays out in segments aboard a single futuristic train, and would take up far too much time to summarize here. What you do need to know is that Snowpiercer is shocking at times, and delves into such topics as social justice, power, regret, love, and control. Chris Evans and Tilda Swinton are both spectacular.

7. Unbroken - directed by Angelina Jolie

- Angelina Jolie has been full of surprises this year, first starring in the global hit Maleficent and now delivering an incredibly moving and emotional biopic on famed Olympic athlete Louie Zamperini. Jack O'Connell anchors the film with a moving performance, depicting the early life and war years of the real Zamperini. While many people criticize the film for leaving too much out, it truly would be impossible to cover the post war story as well in one film. Jolie wisely chose the portion of Zamperini's story to tell, allowing silence and imagery to aid her story telling just as much as the script. The torture and hardship are never divorced from the spiritual war going on within, and Jolie bravely acknowledges the spiritual aspect of Zamperini's life in one of this year's finest films. 

6. Guardians of the Galaxy - directed by James Gunn

- James Gunn's first foray into the Marvel cinematic universe is undoubtedly the surprise hit of the year. While many sci-fi films take themselves way too seriously, Gunn handles his source material with tongue in cheek humor and pop culture references. Chris Pratt is phenomenal in his second hit of 2014, and Vin Diesel and Bradley Cooper steal the show as Groot and Rocket, possibly the most popular on-screen duo since R2-D2 and C-3PO. On top of the unique characters and story and the witty script, the soundtrack stands out due to the clever use of 70's and 80's pop hits. 

5. Nightcrawler - directed by Dan Gilroy

- Not since Norman Bates in Psycho has an on screen character appeared so believably insane. Jake Gyllenhaal carries Gilroy's somewhat old-fashioned thriller with a chilling performance. Rene Russo and Bill Paxton costar in this film on obsession and power, yet Gyllenhaal steals every scene as Louis Bloom, an eccentric entrepreneur who decides to enter the world of tv news. The plot slowly builds to an explosive finale, revealing  the drastic lengths a person will go to in order to achieve personal significance. Gyllenhaal is sure to receive a best actor nod for his acting. 

4. The Grand Budapest Hotel - directed by Wes Anderson

- Wes Anderson is one of my all time favorite directors, thanks to his quirky style and old world charm. One could swear that he was born in the wrong era, as his films evoke a 60's aesthetic in color, style, and setting. The Grand Budapest Hotel is a mystery, yet at times plays as a comedy, anchored by phenomenal performances from Ralph Fiennes, newcomer Tony Revolori, and the massive A-list cast that Anderson assembled. F. Murray Abraham, Mathieu Amalric, Adrien Brody, Willem Dafoe, Jeff Goldblum, Harvey Keitel, Jude Law, Bill Murray, Ed Norton, Saoirse Ronan, and Jason Schwartzman round out the cast of this retro heist. Anderson's films are always beautiful, and The Grand Budapest Hotel resembles a fancy pop-up book, as he utilizes 3 different aspect ratios to tell the multi layered story.

3. Interstellar - directed by Christopher Nolan

- There are few films made these days that can be classified as "epics", yet Nolan's latest masterpiece could easily be grouped into this category. At one time, Hollywood produced films that were massive in scope, yet featured such strong leading characters that the viewer would be impacted on a personal level. (Think Lawrence of Arabia, Ben Hur, Star Wars). Matthew McConnaughey brings this personal grounding to the vast, mind-numbing scientific world of wormholes and time travel. Nolan went above and beyond with everything in Interstellar, bringing in physicist Kip Thorne to help develop the black holes, wormholes, and scientific theory of the film. Hans Zimmer delivered a beautiful and sacred score that combines his signature blasting score with icy piano quartets and a hair raising pipe organ. When combined with the deeply emotional performances and heavy stakes to the events within, Interstellar had me hooked for every minute of its twisting 2 hrs and 45 min.

2. Birdman - directed by Alejandro G. Iñarritu

- Birdman is a work of art. While abrasive and clashing at times, Inarritu's film is shot to in such a way that the entire film is basically one long camera shot. Michael Keaton plays a struggling actor trying to transition from film to stage in order to "find himself" while at the same time dealing with family drama, coworker drama, and his identity as "Birdman." Emma Stone, Ed Norton, Naomi Watts, and Zach Galiafanakis all deliver stellar supporting roles to Keaton's sure-to-be-nominated turn as Riggan. Even though Keaton swears this role is the furthest from his actual character, Birdman seems to echo his own life to a degree. Examining the smoke and mirrors of real life vs. acting, finding significance in life, and the struggle every artist feels, Birdman is surprisingly moving. The script is smart, the cinematography is ground breaking, and the acting is some of the best I have ever seen.

1. Boyhood - directed by Richard Linklater

- Finally, my number one film of 2014! While all of the aforementioned films are excellent in their own right, few films have impacted me as personally as Richard Linklater's Boyhood. Shot over the course of 12 years using the same actors, Linklater has captured what it feels like to grow up, what it feels like to love, to hurt, to grow, to move, to change, to become someone else. Writer and Director of such masterpieces as the Before Sunrise trilogy and Dazed and Confused, Linklater is no stranger to making films that pierce your soul deeply. As an existential director, he is constantly aware of the little moments in life that impact us and the way in which our relationships alter us as people. Frequent Linklater collaborator Ethan Hawke and Patricia Arquette give stellar performances as the struggling, divorced parents of Mason, played by the incredible Ellar Coltrane. The film never alerts the viewer to the changing of years, and is at times almost unnoticeable. This sucks the viewer in, as you gradually grow and change with Mason. Linklater never covers cliche moments in a boy's life, choosing to focus on the smaller and more intimate moments that truly shape an individual. As Mason ages, we see the struggle for his own identity slowly grow and then mature, as he transitions from a boy into a young man. At times Boyhood is unpleasant and heartbreaking to watch, but Linklater constantly reminds us that this is necessary to growth, and to healing. 

The Incarnation - A Christmas Meditation

“BEHOLD, THE VIRGIN SHALL BE WITH CHILD AND SHALL BEAR A SON, AND THEY SHALL CALL HIS NAME IMMANUEL,” which translated means, “GOD WITH US.” 

- Matthew 1:23

"And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth."

- John 1:14

Of all the sacred aspects of Christmas, the incarnation of Christ remains the most fascinating and vital to me. That God Himself became flesh is a concept so ridiculous, so inconceivable, so scandalous, that it sets Christianity apart from all other religions. Rather than being a wise sage or a model example of morality, Jesus claimed to be God Himself in the flesh. 

The word "incarnation" itself means "in the flesh." Rather than having a God who kept His creation at a distance, He entered into the mess of humanity in order to redeem it. Some say this says a lot about how much God was willing to spend to restore us to Himself, but in reality it says more about his character than anything.

When Christ became human, he gave up his throne, his privilege being God, he gave up his comfort. This incarnation is the crux of our faith. How could Jesus take the punishment of sin for a people he didn't relate to? To be able to be our substitute on the cross, God would have to be man. He would have to be WITH us, in our midst, a mighty one to save. By becoming man, God demonstrated His monstrous love. Not only would He save us, but he would become us, relate to us, experience what we do so that we might have a real relationship with God through the person of Jesus.

"For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin." 

- Hebrews 4:15

This is the significance of Christ's identity as "Immanuel." As Matthew explains Isaiah 7:14, this name means "God with us" and He will save His people from their sins. The entire purpose of Jesus's earthly life is contained in this name - His deity, his relationship to us, and his purpose. Never before had mankind experienced this kind of radical intervention, this kind of scandal. Why should God almighty give up so much for created beings? Through such an act of love, we might be reunited in relationship with God, and the character and glory of Christ would be put on full display for the World to see.

"although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

- Philippians 2:6-11

Charles Spurgeon, one of history's most acclaimed preachers, taught on the incarnation of Christ on Christmas Eve of 1854:

"Oh, wondrous stoop of condescension, that our blessed Jesus should be girded with humility and stoop so low! Ah, if He stooped, why should He bend to such a lowly birth? And if He bowed, why should He submit, not simply to become the Son of poor parents, but to be born in so miserable a place?

Let us take courage here. If Jesus Christ was born in a manger in a rock, why should He not come and live in our rocky hearts? If He was born in a stable, why should not the stable of our souls be made into a house for Him? If He was born in poverty, may not the poor in spirit expect that He will be their Friend? If He thus endured degradation at the first, will He count it any dishonor to come to the very poorest and humblest of His creatures and tabernacle in the souls of His children? Oh, no!"

The incarnation of Immanuel- God With Us- offers us hope. By his humility in coming to earth, Christ showed us that he was here to save even the lowly and the weak. As Spurgeon noted, "why should not the stable of our souls be made into a house for Him?" The beauty of God With Us is that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. He died for us even in his birth in Bethlehem. Christ was crucified even when the shepherds made their way to the stable. 

There was never any plan B. Jesus' purpose in being born was always to die for the sins of the world and pay our sin debt. 

While we open our presents and spend time with friends, family, and loved ones this holiday season, let us remember the significance of the incarnation. Jesus gave us his life, both living and dying, so that we could have a relationship with God again. The sweetness of relationships with those we love are just a tiny glimpse of the pure relationship we will have with Jesus when we are with Him in heaven. Likewise, the loneliness felt by many at this time of year is a  reminder that this world is not our home.

Thank God that he didn't condemn us to the loneliness of this world, but entered into it Himself so that we would have hope beyond it! This is the joy of Christmas, the significance of the incarnation.

Christ by highest heav'n adored

Christ the everlasting Lord!

Late in time behold Him come

Offspring of a Virgin's womb

Veiled in flesh the Godhead see

Hail the incarnate Deity

Pleased as man with man to dwell

Jesus, our Emmanuel

Hark! The herald angels sing

"Glory to the newborn King!"

- Hark the Herald Angels Sing, vs. 2

By Steven Bowman,

December 24, 2014

The Power of a WORD: ex nihilo

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are endless.”- Mother Theresa

"but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing." - James 3:8-10

I have come to realize the power of the spoken word. From both a spiritual and an experiential point of view, it is apparent to me that our lives our shaped more than we know by the truths and lies spoken into them.

In a single word a man can be given the confidence to build kingdoms, and in a single word can be brought to ashes.

Any time I open my mouth I am given a choice - do I speak blessing or curse? Do I create life by my words or bring to destruction? Do I empower and embolden or discourage and disgust?

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue,

and those who love it will eat its fruits." - Proverbs 18:21

Even though we don't want to admit it, our words last far longer than we would like. The impact of our words last as long as the lives of those they affected, and then indirectly go on to influence others beyond this. Based on this, I feel a need to exercise caution in my words - both spoken and written. A facebook post can come to haunt you, just as a spoken curse can. Proverbs 10:19 says that "When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent."

Let us not forget that by the WORD the world and all that is in it was created. Is Genesis 1 not filled with the testimony that "and God said, Let there be..." By HIS own design, the Word has the power to create. It has the power to speak things into existence. It is the channel by which relationships are built.

Words are bridges to community. Words are beacons of light in the dark.

By God's very nature, the WORD reflects both the power to create and the essence of communion with another. Christ, the way to being united with God, is Himself called "The Word." John 1 bears witness that not only "in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God" (vs. 1), but that "Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth" (vs. 14).

So, what is the implication here?

If the Word of God is true in Romans 8:29 when it states that we "were predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son", then part of our purpose is to reflect the creative power and community found in The Word himself! (At this point I know your mind is starting to strain at the implications, and for that I don't apologize. This is good for you.)

When I speak as a follower of Christ, empowered by the Holy Spirit, I have the capability within me to speak hope into existence by The Word. I have the capability to be a bridge to communion with the Father. By my words, THE WORD Himself will be known - by the Word proclaimed. When I speak truth into someone's life, that spiritual seed has the capability to begin movements, to inspire leaders, to change lives, to reverse trajectories leading to death. The Word that I bear can CREATE LIFE in a dead heart. By my lips I bear the power of resurrection.

"So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ." - Romans 10:17

Why would I not speak, then? What a wondrous thing indeed to be a part of the imparting of life, the creation of a new thing.

The tongue of the wise brings healing (Prov. 12:18), it is a tree of LIFE (Prov. 15:4).

"Gracious words are like a honeycomb,

    sweetness to the soul and health to the body." - Proverbs 16:24

Until next time, Bowman.

(Part 2 coming eventually)

Life: Deleted

Part of my life was accidentally deleted this past Monday evening.
(Please, don't worry. I am quite alright now. Memories have been restored and my confidence is no longer crushed.)

All at once my iPhone crashed and everything after September 4th was no more.

Nothing major had happened to me in between September 4th and 29th, yet I was bothered. I tried to tell myself that this was stupid, yet was somehow really irked by the fact that all of my photographs, text messages, notes, voice memos, song ideas, etc., were completely erased.

Am I so addicted to my phone that I can't handle a slight purge? I do not think that this is the case.

I believe the frustration lies in the fact that I value communication, that I value the small moments in life, I value the seemingly throwaway messages that people send me, the random yet endearing photographs that help me to capture a fleeting moment for eternity.

So, when my text history for over 3 weeks was erased, those small reminders that someone cares were erased.
When my photos with friends, family, and those I care about were deleted, I felt like I was losing the moments that mean so much to me.
All the song ideas. Gone. Where is my creativity now? It must have been deleted as well.

Why do I care about such trivial things?

My mind is in a cloud of late, so I struggle with memory, I have trouble seeing things clearly. But those encouragements, those birthday texts, those photos with my best friend at a concert - those were reminders of what was and what is, and how I am blessed.

I don't want to lose sight of this. I don't want to forget. These small ebenezers - stones of remembrance - in my life, they help me to see God working. These encourage me to be present in the lives of those around me. I am reminded of the relationships that I have, that they are bearing fruit of an eternal weight.

To forget is to lose sight of the things that truly matter.
Oh my heart, remember. Hold fast to what is true, to what IS.

On Depression, Part 2: An Effective Mess

"As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus answered, "It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him."

- John 9:1-3

 "Why me?" 

This is the quintessential question for hardships. We associate this question with negativity and suffering, yet I believe that there may be a spiritual aspect to be considered in the midst of the hardship. 

"Why not me?"

"Why has God in his foreknowledge and power allowed this to happen to me?"

"How can I be strengthened, others encouraged, and God glorified through this difficulty?"

I have begun to ask myself these three questions regarding my struggle with depression. The temptation is to allow the depression to prevent us from living life, to allow it to weigh us down to a degree that we purposefully withdraw from society. This stems mainly from the poor response of the church to those who suffer from depression. Rather than being supported, they are seen as being unable to serve because of their condition. (More on this to come!) 

The lie of depression is that you can't be effective, that you can't make an impact because of what you are struggling with. This lie is fueled by the aforementioned attitude that many have, resulting in a spiral of hopelessness. We listen to the lie, and sadly mold our self-image to it. We live our lives in a way that announces defeat. We live our lives believing that our depression disqualifies us from having any value to serve or make a difference.

What if, on the other hand, the presence of depression makes us more qualified to serve?

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

- 2 Cor. 12:9-10

It is a strange and beautiful truth that in the midst of depression or hardship of any kind, the presence of Jesus can be seen and his touch felt more keenly. Just as our cracks reveal the treasure within, our emotional hurts reveal HIS emotional strength.

Despite our depression, we have a promise from Jesus himself that His power will be made PERFECT in our weakness. Even though our lives may be in complete disarray, HE still stands and holds all things together. (Colossians 1:17)
When our lives are seen from the outside, suddenly the perspective shifts.
No longer is our life simply a sad, ineffective mess.
In light of the Gospel, our life is a huge magnifying glass of the beauty of Christ.

While the enemy would have us believe that the depression we feel is evident in our lives, when we have Christ I firmly believe that those around us will see more of HIM if we hold fast. This is what Jesus referred to in John 9 when he stated that the purpose of the blind man's suffering was that "the works of God might be displayed in him."

Be encouraged brothers and sisters! Although you may feel hopeless in your depression, God is still working. Let us not forget that "He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it!" 
We are slowly and painfully being molded into the image of Jesus, so that the lives of those around us might be eternally impacted.

"For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer."

- 2 Corinthians 1:5-6

It is a difficult truth to wrap my mind around, but sometimes the reason that God allows me to experience such intense difficulty at times is not because I will grow, or that eventually I will be prepared for ministry, but simply because someone else needs to be encouraged. If I have experienced depression, yet have hope, then I may be able to impart that same hope to someone else with a similar struggle.
This is true of ANY difficulty. Our God can redeem anything. There is no sin to great, or weight to heavy, that He cannot use for His glory.
For this I am thankful.

The questions are not "Am I effective?" or "Can Jesus still use me?" or "How does this make me feel?"  but
"HOW is He using me?" 

"It takes a crucified man to preach a crucified savior." - Stephen Olford

Let us keep our eyes on Christ!

Steven Bowman (Hebrews 12:1-2)

Part 3 coming soon 

On Depression, Part 1: The Eye of the Storm

This post is part 1 in a series on depression. 

Since last winter, I have debated whether or not to write a post this deeply personal. On one hand, I can offer insight and encouragement to the many many people who suffer from depression, yet on the other hand I am baring my soul for all to see.

In the end, transparency wins out.

Who am I to withhold encouragement and support from those around me? At the end of the day, we are all humans - fighting the same fight, living life, dealing with trouble, navigating relationships, discerning the many voices yelling at us from within and without.

I want for people to realize that depression is a very real concern that has a very tangible spiritual connection.

Depression is often misunderstood, commonly defined incorrectly, and certainly avoided at all costs. For a person suffering from depression logic and rationale are often separate from the situation. There doesn't have to be a "trigger" or "root cause." In both circumstantial and biological depression symptoms can suddenly appear without warning, and in great severity. The feeling is almost as if your soul is being suffocated, your emotions compromised, and truth hazy because of the oppression being felt.

Depression attacks the person, regardless of who they are. It is an insidious evil that is one of the sad byproducts of a fallen world.

For a Christian growing up in the Bible belt, the mentality behind depression has generally been one of black and white naivety.
"If you are depressed, you can overcome it."
"If you address sin in your life, you will be healed."
"If you seek Jesus more, the supernatural joy of the Lord will overtake the depression."
This general mindset of medicinal legalism seeks to provide answers, yet all it does is give birth to more frustration.

For years I have struggled with varying levels of depression. Some bouts were definitely linked to health problems such as lack of sleep and a high level of stress; yet more recently my life circumstances have taken a beating, and along with them, my spirit. Depression is a very present reality for me now, constantly a struggle as I deal with ailing health and the frustrations connected. I eat healthily now, exercise, try to maintain my personal spiritual life, and yet I find myself time and time again scraping the bottom... barely able to function. It's not anyone else's fault, nor is it my own. It is one of the many symptoms of living in a fallen world.

It is so easy to ask myself what I am doing wrong, as if my depression were a punishment from the gods. Yet, I have come to realize several truths about depression.

1. I am not alone in my struggle with depression. One of the core problems with depression is the deep sense of isolation and loneliness one gets. This leads to terrible bouts and overwhelming feelings of abandonment when left in isolation. The feeling at times can be that "I am the only one who is suffering from this", yet this is far from the truth. There are MANY people around us who are struggling too. We are NOT alone in our struggle, nor are we abandoned. I have been blessed by an amazing best friend who understands the pain of depression, and a church body that makes it a point to check up on me and keep me from having to be alone when the depression is intense. Friendship is one of the most effective things against depression, and I believe it functions as a physical manifestation of Galatians 6:2 - "Bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ." Just having a brother or sister walk through the shadows with you can bring so much comfort.

"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light." - Helen Keller

2. My depression does not reflect on my identity as a person. While it is so easy to fall into the lie that I am a worthless scumbag, depression can afflict those whom God uses mightily. In fact, He uses those whom hurt the most to accomplish some of the most significant works... 1 Corinthians 1 tells us that "God chose the humble things to shame the wise." Just because I struggle does not mean that I am worthless, or incapable of making an impact. My worth is established by the fact that God gave his only Son for me... no matter what struggles or difficulties I may face. In fact, I have recently pondered the idea that perhaps I am able to make MORE of an impact because of my difficulty. The common struggles in life create bonds with those who encounter the same issues, and are often God-given opportunities so that He may pour His love and grace into someone else's life through me. This leads me to point three...

3. God can still use my depression to bring about good. This truth is perhaps one of the hardest to understand. Throughout my personal experience I have found most of my frustration to lie in the fact that I was being hindered from ministering to others. My goal was to simply push through the depression so that I could get to the other side and get back to work. God has impressed on my heart, however, the fact that by embracing the struggle in this particular season of life, He can work through it to reach others in similar valleys. Sure enough, in the past year people have come to me from different corners of my life, reaching out for support and understanding. There is something about the common bond of hardship that brings people together in a supernatural way. Sometimes we just need to see how God is working despite our circumstances - especially when the circumstances are trials.

Romans 8:28 says that "All things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose." 
Through a Tim Keller sermon I heard recently, I realized that when Romans says "all things", that this includes depression.

Depression can be used by God for my good? What kind of ridiculous news is this?

At the end of the day, God in all of his foreknowledge has allowed our difficulties because they mold us and shape us into the kind of person that can make an impact on our world.
By our difficulties, God is working in those around us.
By our trials, God is making us more like Jesus.
By my depression, I am growing closer to God.

This IS encouraging.
I hope that you can be encouraged by this truth too.

Part 2 coming soon.