Sunday, January 23, 2011

What it takes to be an A list actor

So. (I start a WHOLE lot of things with that word) This is a fairly simple post. I am going to tell you the 5
simple things that I believe it takes to be an A list actor. You know the type I'm talking about, right? That man that makes you swoon, regardless of YOUR gender because of his suave personality, debonair hair, chic wardrobe and charisma practically dripping off the end of his cigar.
YES, THAT is the A list actor. The man that can play anything, manage critical acclaim AND endear the audiences to himself. That elusive actor that not only can play a drug addicted drug addict that is addicted to drugs, but can also walk proudly on the red carpet in his Armani suit saying "I am the man." And you don't question him or call him arrogant. Because he is the man.
George Clooney. Brad Pitt. Leo DiCaprio. Hugh Jackman. Matt Damon. Christian Bale. Edward Norton. The men that- had they lived in the Rat Pack era- would been close friends of Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart.

So without further ado, here are the 5 things that make up an A-list actor (according to me).

1. Fashion Sensibility
Let's face it men! Men in the olden times dressed a heck of a lot better that we do now! It used to be customary to wear a suit when someone came over, or when you went out to eat, or when you read the paper. Ties weren't for dressy clothes NOR were they optional. They just were..... HECK, if your wife would vacuum the carpets wearing a dress and pearls?... yeah, I think the man of the house could be a bit snazzy too. It was just one of those things. SO, the A-list actor knows how to dress well in ANY circumstance. He doesn't pull an Ashton Kutcher and wear a trucker hat on the red carpet. NO. He wears a suit calmly and assertively as if he has spent 6 months in Tibet hunting down the suit and taming it.

I want you to stop what you are doing and sit down and just browse pictures of some of the above listed actors. In fact, here a couple examples of actors with Fashion Sensibility.

Our "Terrific Trio" of Metrosexual awesomeness

As you can see Matt Damon, George Clooney and Brad Pitt (pictured in the Oceans movies) are calmly lounging in an airport, sporting casual suits with a nice set of shades on each face. NOTICE: They are not wearing ties. It is because the tie has a slightly different role in current fashion culture. The TIE is now hated widely and only worn for truly "dress up" events.

2. Cool, Calm, Collected Charisma
Yes. I put this on the list.
THINK ABOUT IT. Will we ever see Shia Labeauf or Zac Efron graduate to the role of A lister? Possibly. But first they need to understand the art of having a cool, calm and collected charisma. Example? Edward Norton.
A possible library ad?

As you can see, Ed Norton has this FIRE that burns within his eyes, yet he contains the beast. His very spirit conveys confidence and poise, yet the beast is caged. A lion rages within. The eagle beats. The eel squirms forth. Ed Norton makes men squirm like the eel in low self-esteem. Why? Because he knows how to carry himself. This quality is present in ALL the above listed actors. Brad Pitt is another great example. 

Who says this man has no charisma?

Look at how he leans forward! As if saying "I could totally fall forward if I wanted to. But I am charismatically collected, and so I won't". This man makes other men pee their pants. Many men have man crushes on Brad Pitt and it is because of this factor. Out of all actors, Brad Pitt carries himself with the most Charisma, and just plain COOL-ness of all the actors in Hollywood. And yet, he can still get away with a movie like "Burn After Reading" just because of his essence in "Se7en", "Meet Joe Black", "Legends of the Fall" and "A River Runs Through It"; and his just bad-a-ness in "Fight Club".

3. A 'Plethora' of roles (aka. Variety)
Let's face it. The reason that Zac Efron, Justin Bieber, Channing Tatum, Michael Cera, Seth Rogen, Ed Helms etc etc etc will never be A list actors is that they have no freaking variety in their roles! Seriously.
Has Zac Efron EVER played anything other than a spaced out teen that is trying to find himself somehow in the midst of falling in love with a girl that finds his true beauty within? (cough hack)

Zac tries to use his eyes as his biggest selling point rather than his acting so he gets the same role every time. There are two problems with this. FIRST of all, if you rely on your eyes you will never be able to wear A-lister sunglasses. SECONDLY you will only be cast as reincarnations of your only character and honestly that just gets old! Perhaps stop making High School Musical style movies? JUST MAYBE we will start taking you seriously. He also needs to change his appearance every once in a while. Maybe shave his head and try a gritty crime drama. Or perhaps try out for an elf in "The Hobbit". Right now I'm pretty sure he takes a Nike swoosh or two, tapes them to his mirror, then tries to comb his hair behind them as he gazes into his steely blue eyes.

The award for PLAYING THE SAME CHARACTER IN ALL MY MOVIES goes to (cue that trumpet solo!) none other than Nicolas Cage!!!!! This man always has the exact same voice, no matter what. Even if his partner is about to be nuked in the head he is still cool and collected and all like "I believe that I can save you, so I am going to try." If he drops the sliced zucchini on the floor he says the same thing. If he tries to find a map in the Q'uran he says the same thing....
Need I say more?
4. Association with some sort of charity work
By now you all know that Brad Pitt adopts the world's extra children, and that is HIS contribution to the world. He hands them to Angelina Jolie who then stores them away behind her luscious lips.
IT IS CRUCIAL for an A-List actor to pick some sort of SOMETHING to be an activist for.
Matt Damon for instance is president of the "Do Not Freaking Elect Sarah Palin As President" society.
George Clooney.....ummm.....lives in...Italy.
Umm... yeah.
Hugh Jackman. I'm sure he speaks for somebody.....right? I mean, he is just so freaking awesome.
I'm getting off of this one.

5. The Ability to look Amazing without Smiling
I don't think I need to explain this one. Just look!

And then Jimmy....

And then Hugh...

See what I mean?

SUMMARY: There is really nothing more to say. If you want to be an A-Lister, you need to adhere to the bro code. Seriously. Suit Up. Carry yourself well. Be different from time to time. Support St. Jude. Don't smile!

Signing out,

The REAL Bowman

No comments:

Post a Comment